Four Rules for Restoring the Affection Between Husband and Wife
- By: Jane
There is some trouble between husband and wife? Don't worry. If you have grasped the following four rules for restoring the affection of a couple, everything will be OK again.
I. Enumerate the other side's strong points
Generally, a couple trapped in troubles often only see the shortcomings of the other side, thus leading to increasing repulsion for each other. Of course, the other side has his (her) own strong points besides bad ones, but if the contradiction between husband and wife develops to the phase where one person feels the other has nothing but shortcomings, it is probably the passive transference psychology has caught the two sides. At that moment, they should use the rule of "finding out the strong points", which is to solve the problem by consciously spotting the other side's virtues. There is a "three-week plan" to improve the conjugal relationship, according to the psychologist, requiring couples in troubles to spot one merit of their spouse and tell him (her) each day within three weeks. At the beginning, it may seem a bit awkward, but it will get natural a few days later. By the 21st day, most couples find it not a difficult thing to enumerate the other side's merits. Certainly, the end of this method is to make them get rid of the passive transference psychology, so the time period can vary so long as the purpose is achieved.
II. Change the viewpoint
Psychologists have found that probably half the couples in weak relationship are only due to stronger individual characters of each other. The result is that they hold each other in detestation and get along very awkwardly. In fact, people will find that many things do not involve the right and wrong or principles if seen in another viewpoint, so it is not necessary to take them too seriously. And moreover, they should change their own habitual behavior and let themselves tolerate and forgive each other and try to adapt to the other side's individual characters. If they are able to be tolerant of the other side by first changing himself (herself), it is believed that the crisis between husband and wife is not apt to take shape.
III. Love convention
A couple often quarreled over some minor matters, later on the husband proposed to conclude the following convention: 1. The two sides should restrain themselves no matter what happens; 2. If there is disagreement and one person wants to speak loudly, separate each other for a moment first; 3. Treat each other in an honest way; 4. Express love to each other; 5. If one person is unhappy, another one will try his (her) best to help him (her) to forget the unhappy thing; 6. The couple will check each other's business of the current day and make a plan for the next day together before going to bed every night. As expected, their life became much more harmonious than before after they did the same way. For those couples with irritable temper and strong self-esteem, the restriction of love convention is more obvious.
IV. Temporary separation
Most couples had such psychological experience: even if they were together all the time, they yearned for each other once separated. The reason is very simple: separation offers a favorable condition for both sides to ponder over the problem calmly. In addition, people generally have the mentality that will somehow emphasize the virtue and get rid of the evil by the light of nature in the memory of the past as time goes on, and as a result, the happy memory will gradually be conspicuous. So, those couples not in very harmonious relation should consciously use the method of temporary separation so as to waken the deep affection between the husband and wife during the separation.