Steps to Save Your Broken Marriage
- By: Jane
Marriage refers to a legally binding union between two people who decide to commit to each other for the rest of their lives. Marriage is a beautiful affair, although at times it breaks off because of reasons the couple may be aware of or not. Some couples try to pick up the pieces and are successful, while others end up in divorce.
When choosing marriage or life-partner, everyone attempts to pick a partner they feel checks all the boxes they have in their heads. That means that you want the person you think is right for you. Therefore, it can be baffling to be in a marriage suddenly you may consider toxic and at the brink of splitting. It seems like you can no longer talk without arguing, and everything seems to be a problem. Backed in such a corner, the individuals sometimes ask themselves where they went wrong in picking out their spouses.
What is a broken marriage?
A broken marriage refers to a union coming to an end, and in some cases, the partners live separately. In some instances, two people who were good for each other and had a healthy relationship fall apart. It is common to find such a couple decides to end their union because they feel things are not as good as before. They may feel the option to try and fix the relationship is off the table. Making that decision is okay, primarily if the marriage affects your mental health or causing too much strain and pain. Deciding to get the relationship back on its feet is also a good choice.
Some married couples fail to understand that marriages do not break overnight. That happens because of gradual and consistent neglect or failure. Sometimes, the couple's challenges may be evident to outsiders, although the couple is blind to them. When the outsiders decide to point out the issues, the partners mostly blame them for separating.
Steps to save your broken marriage
takes two people to bring up a fulfilling, permanent and robust marriage. So
unless both parties are together on that, the relationship will not grow. The following
steps may help get your broken marriage off the ground. Reflect on each one of
- Contemplate your behavior. For a relationship to work, both parties have to work on it. In this step, you need to think of all the activities leading to the end of your marriage. You need to understand that problems in the union are not entirely the responsibility of one partner. In most cases, they happen in a cause-and-effect way. So what exactly was your contribution? Did you insult your partner in the heat of a specific argument?
- Take the blame for your actions. At this point, you know what your contribution was, so the next step is to own your behavior. Make your feelings known to your partner and commit to making the necessary changes.
- Be truthful to yourself. Some problems usually seem harder to deal with, and you may therefore prefer to ignore them. They, however, haunt you later on until you address them. It would be best if you thought of all the things that bother you concerning your marriage regardless of how small they look.
- Sit your spouse down. Your partner has also been reflecting on the relationship, so you are not attacking your partner. It would help if you shared your thoughts. Avoid shouting or screaming at your spouse. This step will involve a lot of emotion, primarily if you have been sweeping challenges under the carpet for so long.
Each of you should give each other time to speak. Otherwise, it will be a waste of time, and you will not solve anything. You will probably realize the perception you have of the union is entirely different from that of your other half. Celebrate your differences instead of criticizing them.
- Listen to your spouse. Communication is a two-way street. So you cannot just speak and expect the problem to go away. You have to listen to what your partner has to say. It may be tempting to listen selectively but avoid that. Avoid interrupting them with questions that you can ask at the end.
- Come up with a list of what you both want to amend. What you write needs to be specific, attainable, and realistic. So, for example, if you're going to spend more time with each other, you cannot put the date night you want to be having on a Friday night when one of you should be at work.
- Commit to your list. That means putting your changes to action. It is not enough to state and note down your wishes. You have to practice them continually. It may take time to adjust to some of them, but the vital thing is to enjoy the journey with your spouse.
- Take time to enjoy the company of your partner. You could try to recreate old fun memories. If, for example, both of you used to skate together, you could do that again as long as it is something that you both equally relish.
If the steps do not work out for you, you can consult a marriage counselor.
Essential things in marriage
People sometimes lose focus in their relationships. That is common when the family starts to grow. The parents may begin to spend more time with their children than with each other. The important thing is always to get back on track when you realize you are diverting. The following items should serve as a checklist that promotes the health of your marriage:
- Commitment or love. Love involves both feelings and actions. You cannot rely on feelings because they are fleeting. Marriage revolves around the decision to commit to one another for the rest of your life. That means that you will face challenges and celebrate your wins together. It is easy to stick to your spouse when the marriage is sailing smoothly, but when you get to the rocky parts, that's when your love on the test.
Infidelity could be emotional, mental, or physical. To avoid a passionate affair,
let your spouse be the first person you turn to when you need a shoulder to lean on. To prevent physical infidelity, increase intimacy. Holding hands, kissing, changing your sex routines could be a good start.
- Forgiveness. Sometimes those closest to us hurt us the most. That is why forgiveness is critical. People can hurt us even without intending to cause us pain. When you realize that you are hurting your spouse, it is crucial to ask for forgiveness. That helps to avoid the build-up of resentment. Avoid digging up issues from the past when your partner offends you.
- Communication. Discuss everything going on in your lives. Finances are one of those topics that most couples try to avoid. Talk about everything that you feel brings tension to settle your differences. It is also essential to talk about the fears, hopes, and dreams you have as a couple. Having something to look forward to is always suitable for marriage.
- Trust and honesty. You earn trust. Ensure that you do not give your spouse reasons to doubt your intentions, especially regarding your faithfulness to them. You also need to trust that your partner can make the right decisions. Learn to be honest about what you feel. So if you are uncomfortable with something, talk to your partner about it. Avoid making promises that you cannot fulfill.
- Cooperation. That means that both parties should both be on board. In this union, it would be correct to say that it takes two to tangle. You have probably come across the phrase marriage is work. The statement is accurate because every individual needs to put effort into maintaining the union. The two parties are constantly contributing by doing activities such as making dinner, cleaning, doing laundry, and attending to kids, which creates togetherness and harmony in marriage.
- The presence of support from your spouse. Life is full of ups and downs. Marriage is not immune to that. When a partner is facing problems, especially at work, they want to go home and share their issues with their better half. If the spouse expresses interest in listening, that may make the other party feel appreciated. When one is stressed, the person will gradually find another person or people to unburden themselves. The mountains and valleys can test the strength of the marriage.
It could also be a problem affecting the couple, for example, the loss of a child. If the couple does not seek comfort in each other's arms, it may cause a rift between them, challenging to fix. In some instances, your partner does not want you to give any input; they need you to listen.
Excellent communication. Sometimes people in relationships assume their partners know what is going on in their minds simply because they have been a couple for quite some time. Say, for example, you get work from home, and you do not talk to your spouse because someone at work made you angry. Then your spouse makes a joke that offends you. Instead of saying what you feel, you remain silent, and life moves on. At one point, especially when you have other problems, that particular scenario will haunt you. Excellent communication creates a conducive environment for the flourishment of your marriage.
- Investment in the relationship. When we talk of investments in regards to relationships, it does not necessarily refer to finances. It instead involves education and time. Human beings are social creatures, and that is why relationships, both romantic and non-romantic ones, are our most significant source of fulfillment and joy. However, we are prone to stress, for example, from work and distractions such as the electronic gadgets we possess. You can quickly come across partners that barely say much to each other when they get home because they are so busy with other things.
The investment could also mean valuing and appreciating your partner. It is vital to understand what your spouse value most and work towards helping them realize their potential. For instance, you may occassionally gift your partner to manifest how much you care for them.
Some individuals come from broken families and therefore lack models of good marriages. Others get into the union with unrealistic expectations, and that's why it is vital to invest time to learn and unlearn. The fact that marriage is not one of the topics taught at school shows that people do a lot of guessing. Today there are so many books you can read online that revolve around nurturing your marriage.
Remember that falling out does not mean that you no longer love each other or choose wrong. You can save a marriage that you believe is worth fighting for; you will need to put in the work to make it work. Stay present so that you can enjoy moments with your partner. Be selfless in all that you do for your family. Your marriage will thank you for it one day.
At this point, it is clear that no one knowingly chooses a wrong partner to spend the rest of eternity. Therefore, the following reasons are a guide as to what happens in between that spoils the relationship. They will help pinpoint you in the right direction.
Unforgiveness becomes an issue when you keep reminding your partner of the mistake they made a long time ago. In relationships where you avoid your problems or choose to pretend they are non-existent to make the dust settle at the time, unforgiveness may come in.
Most people believe that for you to get a particular job, you require specialized skills. That is why people go to school and put a lot of effort to learn and practice. With love, they believe the relationship should be automatic. That may be the case in the films we watch but is far from the truth in real life.