What a Narcissist does at the End of a Relationship ?
- By: Jane
Breaking up is one of the biggest fears of lovers all over the globe but if you ask someone who is in a relationship with a narcissist, it gets even worse. Narcissists are notorious for their self-centered behavioral dispositions after a break-up and these could leave you overwhelmed.
While no two narcissists are the same, one thing is certain and that is a generally cruel behavior or tactic. Let us find out why they act the way they do and how to avoid being ruffled up by one.
Identifying a narcissist
Spotting a narcissistic personality is easy once you know where to look. Narcissists are always into themselves because they value themselves more than anyone else does. You may find their self-obsession and vanity affecting what they wear, eat, and say.
The hallmark of a narcissist is their extreme desire to maintain their self-esteem regardless of any emotional commitment to a partner. You are likely in a relationship with a narcissist if they:
• Always want to win a fight at any cost
• Always blame past partners for failed relationships
• Think they are perfect and blameless
• Do not care about your priorities
What to expect from a narcissist post-breakup
Narcissistic persons can present in a variety of ways. Ending a relationship with them leads to maladaptive responses and coping mechanisms. However, if they eventually get bored and decide to end the relationship themselves, they might do so in a dramatic fashion.
Whether you are going through tough times in your relationship or simply need some counseling and a better understanding of your narcissistic partner, you need to expect the following:
• Manipulation: Since narcissists are all about themselves, they brainwash people through different means. A narcissist might make you feel that you are the sole cause of the breakup. Also, they might make you feel bad for blaming them. At the end of the day, you might see yourself as a misfit for the relationship even when you are not the problem. One way they might manipulate others is through social media attacks and gossips. They might try to smear your reputation and make others believe their side of the story.
• Finding a new narcissistic supply: If you are not feeding your narcissistic partner’s ego the way they want, they could start searching for another ‘partner’ actively and this could be much faster than usual. Sometimes, they may not go all out looking for some new person. Rather, they could channel their energy into career, fitness, education, or anything else that makes them feel fulfilled. Their search for a new ‘narcissistic supply’ is easy to spot if you pay close attention.
• Awkward endings: Narcissists might end a relationship in a weird way. For example, they could block you from contacting them without any prior closure like you never meant much to them. Most times, they have no reason for the sudden blocking and they respond with silence at any attempt to reach out to them.
• Mixed emotions: Confused narcissists make a mess of their emotions. So, you could find your partner being a lovebird one moment and being remarkably abusive at the next moment. Usually, the mixed emotions end when they finally decide to leave you. Silent treatments are also more common at this stage. If you are in such a situation, you should already know you have limited time.
• Guilt triggering: Narcissists usually lack empathy and this could lead to serious misunderstanding when the relationship is about to end. They seem to be drawn to a “power struggle,” where they want to control the relationship by making their partners cry or feel guilty. If you feel like you are always wrong around your partner and you start doubting your abilities, have it at the back of your mind that your partner might be narcissistic and they might make you feel like the bad person.
• Acting like a Casanova: Narcissists who entered a relationship mainly because of sex or the fun of trying new things out are likely to do the same with another partner at the end of the relationship. For example, they might start an affair just to piss you off, so that it seems like you are the one who broke things off. Also, they are notorious for their unrequited love and care.
• Unnecessary fights: Narcissists can openly disrespect you without any reason or regard for your feelings. They aim to stimulate irreconcilable differences and cause chaos. But unlike other relationships, a narcissist can go the extra mile to hurt the other person. Also, they try to gain the sympathy of others by playing the victim and they thrive from the increased attention that comes with it. At the end of the day, they try to exonerate themselves from any action they took during the fight or at the end of the relationship.
• Showing off: Narcissistic partners might want to parade themselves that they are better off than you by showing their progress without you. However, this is not always the case. They might also want to keep it a secret from you depending on their intention to manipulate you or some other person involved.
• Being needy: Narcissists like to feel they are in control of everything but even at the end of the relationship, they might still call you to help them out with favors similar to what you have done in the past. So, they could still expect you to book their appointments, be there to support their kids, send money to them, or help their business like you have been doing. This might put you on an emotional rollercoaster.
A typical picture of a narcissist’s action toward the end of a relationship
After the ‘honeymoon’ period has elapsed, narcissists start to lose interest if they no longer get the ego boost that they need to thrive. This leads to a gradual devaluation of their partners, which culminates in a breakup.
So, if you are observant, you would likely see a drop in their energy levels and efforts in keeping the relationship alive. Therefore, a partner who was previously over the moon about you can move on with relative ease.
One noteworthy fact about narcissists is that they would choose their ‘narcissistic supply’ over their relationship if it comes down to a debate. History always repeats itself with a narcissistic partner. So, if you find out that they reacted poorly to a failed relationship in the past, it is likely going to happen again. They might even promise to change when you call them out for their wrongs but this does not always happen.
There is no clear-cut way to how a narcissist acts at the end of a relationship. They may seek revenge, try to get back together, start a smear campaign, keep tabs on you, or do a whole lot of other things. Narcissism is all about self-importance, attention-seeking, and a sense of entitlement, and being in a relationship with someone like that could be very difficult. The best way out remains to let go of the relationship without feeling guilty if you cannot afford to put yourself in such a state.
Everyone deserves to be loved and if you are not getting the love that you deserve, you can prevent further heartbreaks by accepting the breakup or turning down future invitations to indulge them.