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Female-Led Marriage: What You Need to Know

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  • 2021-05-18
  • By: Jane

Marriage refers to a union between two people that is legally binding. In most cases, it is between a woman and a man. In most marriages, the significant contribution is from the man, and it is therefore common to hear people referring to the man as the head of the union. In that situation, the wife or woman is okay being led or being the submissive. They both appreciate and enjoy the company of each other. There are also relationships where the contribution is equal. Both cases work with efficient communication between the partners and where each individual plays his or her role. However, today we see more women's involvement in employment and development in the country. They want equality and freedom, and that is why you can come across female-led relationships or marriages.

What is female-led marriage?

In this kind of marriage, the woman is dominant while the husband is submissive. It is the opposite of traditional marriage, where the wife is the submissive and the husband is dominant. Therefore, the dominant woman has authority over the man, makes vital decisions regarding the family, and provides more financially. The phrase female-led relationship came from the kink community. It is a kind of BDSM relationship which involves a submissive gentleman and a dominant lady. Today, however, people use the term to refer to a relationship in which the woman has more power in terms of sexual relations, decision-making, and finances.

Most women in this kind of marriage like to control what is happening around them. That does not imply that they are control freaks. It just means that they want the excellent organization to ensure things get done the right way. That aspect boosts their confidence because they know that everything is in its place. So, for example, when it comes to the bills, she knows when the paycheck comes in and the appropriate budget to ensure she is not lagging behind the accounts. However, the desire for control is not the only reason women get into female-led marriages.

In some instances, the woman wants to mold the man into her ideal partner. In so doing, the partner can meet her expectations. In this situation, the union can only work if the man is okay with the woman trying to change some aspects of his life. Most men who comply with the arrangement believe that their wives mold them into better individuals. Where both parties are on board, it is a win for the household.

Another reason would be to avoid power struggles. Both partners know their stand in the relationship, which alleviates tension or stress because none is trying to rule the other. Each person knows the role to play. The couple learns how to take care of one another. A large number of women today want to feel equal to their partners. They want respect, attention, and love.

Levels of female-led relationships

There are different kinds of female-led relationships. That is because people have different personalities. You cannot entirely compare your relationship to that of your parents or your friend's. The categories are according to the intensity or amount of control the woman has in the marriage.

  • The low level. In this level, the woman and man are equals. Mutual consent is the basis of decision-making. That means that every individual has to bring forth their ideas in solving an issue. The man can give his partner the authority to take the lead in certain situations. In some instances, she needs the consent of the husband.

It is necessary to note that the woman is not inferior to the man. The partners share fundamental responsibilities. That means that they both provide money for running the family; they take turns when watching the kids and doing the house chores.

Some people argue that you cannot classify this as a female-led relationship because the woman does not seem to be leading in the union. This category is common for many women today.

  • The moderate level. The woman has more control over most of the man's life and their relationship. She, therefore, makes all the significant decisions. She can decide to assign most of the domestic duties to the man, take the lead in sexual matters or determine how to spend their money.

There is some limitation to the dominance. That means that the woman does not have power over the entire relationship. The couple can get in and out of the woman's command whenever they feel like it.

This level boosts a woman's confidence which translates into a healthy marriage. The woman's attitude when exercising her power is usually a turn-on for most men. If the woman chooses to use her control in the sex department or BDSM, there have to be check-ins, aftercare, negotiations, and predetermined routines.

  • The high level. It is also known as the level of defined control. The woman makes most choices and takes on some male     roles. Her areas of dominance are distinctly stated. You may compare it to the male-led relationship, except where there is a reverse of the responsibilities. The woman is the head of the family. The woman is the breadwinner while the man performs the household duties such as raising the kids, cleaning, and cooking. The woman may also be dominant in the bedroom. 

  • The extreme level. The woman has ultimate power, and the man is at her service. She controls the man's life and makes every decision. There is no role-play of the woman's authority, and the woman, therefore, has total control during the entire marriage. The woman expects obedience and respect from the man. This relationship requires a submissive man and a woman who embraces power.

Rules of female-led marriage

  • The woman makes most or all the decisions. At the low level, however, the decision-making is a mutual process. However, the woman needs to listen to the man's input     and value it to make the right choice. The man should trust the woman's prowess to make the proper financial choices.

  • The man agrees to do house chores such as cooking and cleaning. Although the wife can also chip in, the husband should be okay with performing those tasks. In the high and extreme levels of the relationship, the man may take the domestic responsibilities fully.

  • The woman is the primary breadwinner. The female-led marriage does not mean that the husband stays at home or does not work. The union only requires that the woman bring in most of the money for the family expenses.

  • The woman makes choices in regards to social events or gatherings. That is why you may see couples with matching outfits in social groups.

  • The woman has more power than the man or is equal to him. Therefore the woman's perspectives and feelings have more priority than the man's.

  • The man is primarily obedient and submissive. Where the woman is sexually dominant, pleasure usually revolves around her. She gets to decide how and where to have sex.    


Tips for maintaining a female-led marriage

  • Communicate with your partner early on in the relationship. Some men prefer female-led relationships because they feel that someone else is in charge instead of always making decisions in the union. Some men are also subordinate. Some women love the responsibility and also exercising control. People with the above traits would do well in a female-led relationship. However, it is essential to note that some people would not be for that, so you should talk to your partner to know if you agree. Otherwise, the relationship would eventually fall apart.

  • Understand what you want. There is where you set boundaries and roles. You may be okay with being dominant in the bedroom as a woman, but you may not want to take full responsibility when it comes to finances. That means you would draw a line there. The man may also have boundaries, and the couple needs to respect each other's limits and avoid crossing them.

  • Make progress gradually. That is especially for individuals who have never been in this kind of relationship. It may be difficult for a man who has always been in control to adjust, and that is why you should include simple tasks in the beginning. Communication is vital so that everyone feels comfortable. If one partner is not okay with a particular thing, try and find a way to avoid it. Patience is critical to prevent pushing your partner too much.  

Final thoughts

The female-led marriage promotes gender equality and women's empowerment. It is essential to understand that it may not work for everyone, so you need to address any desires or expectations you may have in the beginning. As the dominant, remember to perform your role with love to avoid abusing your partner. Where there is power, abuse is a risk.

Every person should perform their role. For this kind of relationship to work, balance and respect are also necessary. You do not want to give the woman too much power that the man can barely air his views.

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