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Platonic Marriage: All You Need to Know

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  • 2021-05-12
  • By: Jane

When you talk about platonic marriage, you will always imagine that the lack of sex among the couple is unintentional. According to the typical social script, sexless marriage is not planned but is a diversion from a relationship that was once a loving one full of passion. However much that is right, it is not always the case. These days, people are getting into platonic marriage knowingly.


What is platonic marriage?

Platonic marriage is a union where friends legally commit to each other in a life partnership without sex and romance. Basically, people are marrying their best friends. Most people that enter into platonic relationships have issues with establishing and maintaining a romantic love. Therefore, they turn to their best friends so that they can become couples.

How long have platonic marriages been in existence?

Well, it is unclear to say precisely how long these types of unions have been taking place. It is also hard to tell how common the platonic marriage trend is since many platonic couples do not open up about the non-traditional characteristic of their marriage. However, The New York Times conducted interviews with several couples who have settled together in a strictly platonic union in recent years. From the findings of the interviews, it is evident that partners in such marriages come from a diverse array of gender and sexualities.


Why do people commit to a platonic marriage?

This concept can be confusing or intriguing, and you may be dying to know why people should choose to live like this in the first place. Below are some reasons people decide to get married without having any sexual or romantic attraction.

1. They want a family immediately.

You know that there is an expiry date on having children for a woman. People who choose to walk the platonic marriage path might want to start a family, yet they haven't found someone to fall in love with yet.

To solve the problem, they marry a friend who also desires to have a family. It is not a guarantee that you will be in love with each other to start a family, and these kinds of unions confirm just that.

2. They have a deal

People make deals; some make a deal to marry each other if they will still be single when they achieve a certain age, like 40 or something. You may have heard such deals in romantic movies, but they exist in real life too.

Such events usually common when everyone wants to raise a family. Therefore, they decide to get married when they fail to find romantic partners by the time they achieve a certain age. As long as the two get in a union while they are still friends, that union is a platonic marriage.

3. They are aromantic

Aromanticism is where one does not feel any romance. When someone does not feel any urge to get into a romantic relationship, they end up marrying their best friend.

This kind of union commonly occurs between two best friends who are both aromantic since they will not be expecting any romancing in their marriage. The same also happens between asexual people who, to them, sex is not into question, so they commit to a platonic marriage.

4. People want to be with their best friend.

Some people get into platonic marriages because they want to be with their best friend but have sexual relations outside their marriage. They want to have children, but they prefer raising those children alongside their best friend than with anyone else.

Such a scenario mostly happens when two people want to have a family but have not found anyone they consider special. Such people feel like their best friend is better than anyone else, and they are the most suitable to be the best parent to their children. Some do it because they simply want to spend time with their best friends forever.

5. It's time to for settling down.

Many people feel the pressure of getting married. Such people think that they need to settle down and find a partner once they hit a certain age. If two friends have this feeling, the chances are that they will agree to marry each other and live as a married couple.

6. It masks homosexuality

Although this trend is not so common as it was many years ago, some people still get into a "traditional" marriage with their best friend of the opposite gender to hide their true sexuality. Back in the day, when gay marriage was taboo, people would get married to the opposite gender to keep away unnecessary attention.

There are several platonic marriages where a lesbian and a gay man stay together to appear as a heterosexual couple. However, such a couple remains as friends even if they have children together.

7. They genuinely love each other.

Some people choose to bind themselves for life with someone they love even though they are not in love with them. Such people feel like being in love with someone is a feeling that fades over time, but platonic love is not likely to fade.

These people prefer getting into a platonic marriage and maintaining their friendship level rather than getting into a romantic relationship that may end up in a divorce.

8. Sacrificing for their children

After a divorce, people always assume that you hate your ex. However, those who quit their marriage can remain to be friends.

The romantic relationship has come to an end, but they still love each other, and they want to keep staying together as a family. However, there will not be any romantic aspects between them even if they are raising children together.

9. Marrying for Tax Insurance

As money-minded as it may sound, this is the purpose of some platonic marriages. It is not always true that people marry for love; sometimes, the insurance and tax benefits are too appealing.

Platonic marriage could also be the option when someone needs better insurance than what they have. For instance, if you have been diagnosed with a chronic disease and your insurance gives you up, marrying a friend who has better insurance can be lifesaving. This kind of union can be platonic and will only serve particular purposes.

10. Romantic love fades to become platonic love.

Some marriages start full of romance. You are in love with your spouse, but then over time, the passion fades. Not all romantic marriages end up staying as they started.

Some people who stay with their spouses for years end up in a platonic marriage since they lose all their romance towards each other. These couples choose to stick together because they still love each other but not in the same way as in the beginning.


Not all sexless marriage is a platonic marriage.

It is worth noting that even "traditional" marriages between romantic partners may end up into only sexless but also platonic at some point, even if people do not admit it. I bet you have come across men that call their wives "my business partner" or some term that doesn't suggest any romantic relationship between the two. These are the kind of men who maintain the bond they have with their life partner, and they do not wish to break the bond and the life they have built together over the years. However, the only thing that's lost in such relationships is sexual attraction.

Suppose you entered into a romantic relationship, but love gets lost along the way. In that case, you can choose to stay in a platonic relationship instead of going through the challenging divorce process.  Furthermore, you can work together to rekindle the love that you once shared so that you can revive the romance and sexual attraction in your relationship. I have tackled this in my previous post, but here is a brief recap of how to rekindle your love in a sexless marriage:

· Change your routine – routine sucks, sometimes, so you can try and be creative in the way you dress, operate at home, and how you rekindle love in a relationship.

· Visiting a marriage counselor- solving marriage problems can be a daunting task, especially if you are finding it hard to communicate with your partner. However, a marriage counselor will help you communicate, identify, and solve serious issues affecting your relationship.

· Spare time to spend with your partner- who doesn't like feeling cared for or given attention by someone they adore? I bet no one. So try and find time to spend with your partner and see the romance dash back in your relationship. Just ensure that you spend quality time together.


Final Thoughts

Not everyone is interested in love or romance—marriage and romance fade. Perhaps, love may be ill-advised, then to use it as a base for a legally binding union is not necessary. Besides, if most marriages end up being platonic relationships, why shouldn't they start as being platonic from the beginning?

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