9 Signs You're in a Tumultuous Relationship and How to Deal With It
- By: Jane
According to a Harvard study, life
satisfaction was based on the quality of our relationships. As social
creatures, it makes sense that human beings thrive on connections with other
people. Sure, these days we pride ourselves in being independent beings, but
that’s not to say that we need quality relationships around us. No matter how
we wish things were perfect, the reality is: life is never perfect. That
includes the closest relationships around us.
There’s nothing like having a friend to talk to or a shoulder to cry on if you’re having a bad day. However, what if you don’t have anyone to turn to? How would you even know whether your social ties are as good as you think they are? First things first, let’s define what it means to be in a tumultuous relationship. Here are the ten signs to watch out for.
Sign #1: You don’t trust your partner
Trust is the foundation of every good relationship. They say that this quality is hard to build, but quick to dissolve. That’s why it’s important to be honest with each other at all times. If you’re in a tumultuous relationship, this is the first one that flies out the window. It could be that your partner did something that made you mistrust him or her.
How to deal: When this happens, make sure to set aside time and talk to your partner to resolve whatever problems caused you to mistrust him or her. If you don’t, feelings of resentment will foster. To build trust, keep communication lines open and if someone feels unsure, don’t hesitate to answer whatever questions they may have to reassure the other.
Sign #2: You don’t feel respected
While there is one thing to feel loved, another thing is to feel respected. Usually, these two go hand in hand. But sometimes declarations of love are far from the actions of your beloved who is portraying. They say that men fall for looks and women fall for the things they hear. And just because someone showers you with gifts, it doesn’t guarantee that they respect you already.
How to deal: This may be a hard pill to swallow but if you don’t feel respected by your partner, take a good hard look on whether you show signs that you don’t respect yourself. Worse, check if you may be the first one to show disrespect to him or her. Respect goes both ways and you can’t expect to be respected if one, you act disrespectfully or you treat yourself as someone who doesn’t deserve respect. Show respect up for yourself in loving ways, always.
Sign #3: You keep breaking up and making up
Do you know those couples who are together one day, and then break up the other day? You may think that they have a very passionate relationship, but unfortunately, passion is not enough to keep a relationship thriving. If we’re being honest, those couples who look “boring” on the outside or who don’t post much on social media probably have a stronger relationship than those that do. The reason for this is that they aren’t insecure and needing external sources of validation to keep their relationship in check.
How to deal: If you keep on breaking up with your partner, perhaps you’re not addressing the relationship problems at their core. The next time you break up, don’t give in to your emotion and take some time apart to really reflect on why you keep fighting. Perhaps one person doesn’t feel heard, and the other takes it personally.
Sign #4: You’re both still very young
While it doesn’t mean that young couples don’t make it to the end, age definitely is a factor for one’s maturity, and subsequently ability to handle a relationship. When you’re still young and unsure of yourself, you can take it on your partner to solve your life’s problems. And while a partner is someone you can depend on, you can’t expect them to remain the same as you go through different stages of life.
How to deal: If you think you’re not yet ready to be responsible for another person, don’t go into a relationship. Work on yourself first and be your own person. In healthy relationships, two halves don’t make a whole. Think of your partner as another aspect of your life that adds to it, not the center of your world.
Sign #5: You feel drained after spending time together
If you’re confused, your body can give you clues as to what you’re really feeling. It’s one thing to be an introvert with the need of some alone time, but spending time with your other half should leave you feeling happy than drained. If you often get headaches or stomachaches during your time together (which are signs or anxiety or like something’s not right), perhaps it’s time to reevaluate your relationship.
How to deal: Even normal couples might experience events in their lives that may make any relationship more difficult. However, if other areas in your life are going smoothly, then perhaps it’s time to do some self-reflection or therapy to assess what it is about spending time with your partner that drains you.
Sign #6: You have different values
As much as we want to grow with our partner as individuals, there are times when you argue too much and can’t agree with a common decision. Deciding where to eat at what to do for dates should be the least of your problems. Because when it comes to opposing values and plans for the future, there is nothing that can sink your relationship faster than quick sand.
How to deal: This is the tricky part because before you get into any serious relationship, you should first see that you get along with each other having common goals for the future. If you keep arguing because your other half wants you to go on a diet, dye your hair, get a new job, or move across country with him, then perhaps it’s time to take a step back and check if he or she is really someone worth doing those for.
Sign #7: One or both has a substance abuse problem
Being with your partner without a doubt make you a better person. We should also love them unconditionally and accept their shortcomings. However, if you both have a substance abuse problem and drag each other down, this is usually the sign of a tumultuous relationship. It might be that you both get along for now, but shouldn’t being with somebody else lift you up?
How to deal: If your partner has a substance abuse problem, know that it isn’t your job to fix them. Sure, you can guide and by their side to support them, but ultimately being with someone with addictions is never a good sign. Don’t be a martyr and lie about the problem just because you love someone. If you also truly love yourself, you won’t let the damaging relationship linger any longer.
Sign #8: Your friends and family don’t approve of your partner
One telling sign you’re in a tumultuous relationship is that the other people in your life dislike your partner. Love can indeed be blind and you might not see if your partner is not good for you, but the people you’ve known all your life who have always had your back since day one usually knows a red flag when they see one.
How to deal: If you constantly find yourself making excuses for your partner’s behavior, think twice before lying again and make things look better than they seem. At the same time, don’t feel pressured to disclose your relationship problems to everyone. Choose wisely about who your share them to and only share a trusted one’s opinion. At the end of the day, though, it is you who knows your partner best.
Sign #9: You’re not happy in the relationship
Tumultuous relationships take many forms and sometimes they can’t be easy to spot from the outside. However, one thing’s for certain: you know how being in it makes you feel. Sure, relationships has its ups and downs and you’re not expected to feel happy all the time. However, if you’re mostly unhappy rather than delighted to be in the relationship, then that’s not a very good sign.
How to deal: Relationships change over time and people are usually on their best behavior at the beginning. As the relationship progresses it’s only natural that the euphoric feeling wanes or is not as strong as when it was at the beginning. If you’re feeling unhappy in the relationship, maybe it’s time to rekindle the romance. Go on date nights, treat your partner to a nice vacation, give them gifts, or simply express loving words to them.
If your relationship is important to you, then taking the time to fall love with your partner all over again is going to be a breeze. As they say, nothing worth having comes easy.